Forgiveness

Yesterday morning, instead of going to church or even sleeping in, we decided to go to a 2 hour yoga class to celebrate Easter. It was a karma yoga class, one where everyone donates what they can and the donations go to charity. It seemed to fit the day.

The teacher dedicated the practice to forgiveness. The session included a lot of forward bends for internal reflection and twists for letting go. It was a fitting, but strange combination, when you think about it. Spending time looking inward only to let those thoughts go. Perfect for reflecting on forgiveness.

To forgive is to experience a letting go, a freeing and while satisfying it is not always easy. The practice ended with people sharing thoughts about learning to forgive, learning to let go. I am not always comfortable with the sharing moments. I like to listen to other people but I feel anxious about participating. Something in me holds back, but in the spirit of openness and letting go, I shared. And the truth that I shared is that the person I have the most trouble forgiving is myself. The person I am hardest on and expect the most from is myself. I can forgive almost anyone else, eventually, but I still reprimand myself for things said and done to other people in years past. I have trouble forgiving myself for not living up to expectations and dreams that I am not sure I even have anymore.

I think that learning to forgive is one of the most important steps we can take towards emotional growth, but I also think it is something we have to learn over and over again. And we have to learn the difference between forgiving and forgetting. (Is it possible to forgive if we can't forget?) And, to top it off, we also have to learn that sometimes it is not so much forgiveness as acceptance that we need to practice.

I am fascinated by the difference between acceptance and forgiveness and the way they are both connected to love. I believe that much of what we have trouble forgiving ourselves for doesn't require forgiveness so much as it requires acceptance. Acceptance that even as we love deeply and broadly, love is ever-changing and transient, never the same but always present. Acceptance, rather than forgiveness, that we are not perfect beings, that in our flaws we can find our humanity.

I don't have any real answers, but I do know that this little chicken helps make it all a little better.

Happy Easter!